Inspired by Roald Dahl’s classic children’s poem The Tummy Beast, this was written for my friend Tom, whose stomach has a such a demanding personality of its own he named it Gary. In marrying Tom, for better, for worse, his wife Lulu also agreed to a life with Gary – this seemed worthy of a rhyming verse or two:

I may surprise you when I say this,

And doubtless you will take the piss,

But Tom is not a greedy man,

…