Heartbreak, well, where to begin… It is something most of us experience at some point in our lives and indeed, unwittingly inflict upon others. But until you do experience it in its fullness, it is impossible to imagine how excruciatingly painful it can be.

For me, writing was one of the few ways I could confront and start to make sense of the hurt and pain bound up and raging inside me.

As my younger sister observed: “Heartbreak, bad for the heart, great for poetry.” And, on that cheery note:

I want to disappear.

I want to dissolve into nothingness,

to crumble to dust and be gusted away,

to slip through the gaps of paving stones

and be trodden down to the damp soil below.

I want to be washed away with the first rains,

to flow from stream to river to reach that wide expanse of ocean

and there be carried on currents as they course around the globe.

The heavy waves will crash down upon me, to crush me, then fling me skyward.

I’ll be no more than the spray of wave crests catching the light of a rising sun,

warning hapless sailors to steer a different course.

Over years, I’ll disperse,

a sprinkling sinking into the blackness of the deep,

some escaping as vapour under the sun’s strong gaze

to be lifted and gifted with flight.

Caught upon trade winds, I’ll be carried towards land,

where new breezes blow hither and thither.

I’ll settle on beaches, in trees, among fields.

I’ll land atop mountains snow peaked and bare.

I’ll touch down upon rooftops, car windscreens, park benches,

on weary shoulders, suited and brushed.

I’ll be nothing but a gleam, a scent, a tickle, a sneeze.

I’ll be nothing at all.

It won’t hurt when I’m nothing.