We all have a Fred in our lives. If we don’t, it’s probably because we are that person.

This poem is based on true events and should serve as a warning to anyone who proves impossible to lure out of bed in the morning – hangovers excepted:

There was a young man called Fred

Who regarded awaking with dread,

He could not, of his own accord, EVER get out of bed.

His alarm clock was quite ineffectual

And the problem became so perpetual

That after years of gentle complacence

His long-suffering father lost patience.

He began to take lines of action

Which he hoped would improve things a fraction.

He called to his son from the door

Expanding his voice to a roar,

Then he placed the alarm by Fred’s head

But his son still lay there for dead.

Forced to accept plain noise had no effect

He doused Fred with water instead.

Herein the solution was found,

For as droplets covered the ground,

Fred was up in a flash,

To the shower he dashed,

And was out of the house with a bound and a crash.

So…

If you happen across this young man

And you need an awakening plan

Then search high and low for a watering can

But if such an implement is not to hand

Fill a bucket to place your command.